Learning the Language of Assertive

I woke up early this morning thinking about what I lack in life, and thinking about the people who aren't in my life anymore — and at one point I caught myself and went, why am I still thinking about them? But the moment right after that realization, my mind went straight back to them, to how they feel, all of it. And I realized: this is just how my brain is wired. This is just how the INFJ brain works. And from there I connected it to why I'm not assertive. If I were assertive, I'd mostly be focused on me — on what I'd like, what I want to do at this exact moment, what kind of food I want to taste, what kind of people I want around me, what level of activity I want day to day. On letting myself just do the next thing I actually want to do — whether that's looking through old pictures with Bryce because my heart wants a glimpse of what was, or looking at Jordan while he sleeps to take in the present, or just getting up and going to the gym. And somehow that's empowering. I suppose being assertive does have its benefits.

I just need to keep going on this trend. Make it a consistent practice. The ENFPs of the world probably have more fun and live a realer life, because they focus on what they want and who they want to be with, straight from their Fi-authentic hearts. They're not triaging everyone's feelings in the room, not managing other people's emotions — they're just themselves. A bundle of emotion and neurons and intelligence, and a self-possessed one at that. An INFJ, basically, but lived for real. That's part of why they're so attractive, isn't it? Which means I, as an INFJ, can live like that too, if I just let myself. Just focus on what's real, what's alive, what's here, what feels good. And things will click into place. Hopefully. I rewired my whole brain once when I learned to think and speak in English — learning the language of being an assertive person shouldn't be that much harder.

Besides, I'm young and attractive, and Jordan's right — that's probably my most valuable asset right now, and there's no reason to let it go to waste while I have it. So: the gym, it is.