Not Throwing Away My Shot

It's 11:59 pm and Jordan and I just got back from watching Hamilton at Broadway. Man.

I've watched it twice on Disney+ now, but seeing it in person is just different. Maybe it's the presence of everything — the stage, the sound, the people around you breathing the same air. I cried even harder than before. Felt even more. Though I can also recognize something has shifted in me: I'm more regulated now, more calm overall, so I didn't need to go digging for meaning or make wild connections about myself and past relationships the way I might have before. I could just… receive it.

What I did come away with is that money matters. Hard work matters. Those things shape what you can do, how you're remembered, how legacy paints you one way or another. Hamilton worked so hard to build something and provide for his family — even though Eliza already came from money and education and went on to do incredible things in her own right. And his hard work created something lasting. His name is still here. It became an entire musical. Because of ambition, and work, and yes, intelligence and luck too, but also because he refused to throw away his shot.

That song at the beginning really got me. I don't want to throw away my shot either. I want to make a name for myself. I want to do something real. I'm going to put in even more work on Ice Age Life. I'll play that song to remind me.

And at the same time — I won't forget the other philosophy living in that same show. Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now. That's also true. I'm already enough. Work hard because it inspires you, not because you're terrified. Both things can coexist.

Having Jordan next to me made it feel different too. On the walk back he was telling me all his reflections — how he sees himself in Hamilton, how Hamilton could've done things differently, how politicians and rumors and truth and popularity all tangle together. I loved hearing him think out loud like that. He paid for everything tonight. He also hasn't slept in two days.

Time to get back to him so he can finally rest. Goodnight. 🌙