Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Great work day. 💪

I put money into my Roth IRA before the deadline, redid my resume, elevated my LinkedIn (added a Sunlit Game Studio page there too), and even applied to a Handshake position that I only knew about because Esther pointed it out to me. I'm proud of myself. Genuinely.

In the afternoon I hung out with Katie and Jordan and their parents for a bit. We confirmed plans — lake house tomorrow, Katie's birthday party this Saturday. 🎂 Then Jordan and I went for a walk and he ran me through all these things I could do to be more token efficient with Claude, get more out of my time and energy. 🧠

Then he took me to In-N-Out 🍔 and started telling me about how when he was 15, 16, he made up fake companies and personas so he could apply for jobs — and his first actual job was already a senior engineer role. I've heard versions of this story before. I think he tells me these things to nudge something in me about my work situation. He keeps reminding me I can put whatever title or role I want on my resume, on my LinkedIn, whatever.

And I get it. I do. But I told him: for now, I just kind of want to work for myself, unless an opportunity comes along that really compels me. And honestly? I also just want to live in my self-congratulatory mode for a bit. Feel chill. Feel happy. Lol. Also I wanna go back home and ship some Claude updates 😂.

I know Jordan means well. I know things will be fine in the end. I just need to keep going.

The Tim today is already so different from the Tim a few months ago — who couldn't even go on LinkedIn and change a few things around. Or the Tim last year, who got let go from Bryce, all because I couldn't really just be real about where I was. Couldn't sit with it without flinching.

But really... there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing to make myself feel bad for. I can just live in the present, I can just work for the future, and not need to feel small to stay safe.

That's the shift. That's the actual one. 🌱

Earlier today Soundi mentioned meeting up for July 4th weekend — Illenium concert. ✨ And dang, I wish I could just go. But financially that's not a smart call right now. I told him Vegas I've already been to, but if it were Europe, I'd be in. So he sent me some European options. 🌍

Told Jordan about it later and he seemed receptive to a Europe trip too. I haven't been there in so long. I've been dreaming about it.

What a day. Jordan's probably waiting for me — time to sleep. 😴